The week following "the news" was filled with eye opening and frightening realizations. I had confided in Sandra Ashford, one of Widdicombe Place's penthouse residents . She has a wealth of knowledge and is connected to a number of people who are "connected". She jumped on the phone right away and contacted an aquaintance who is a part of The Odette Cancer Foundation at Sunnybrook Hospital. Sandra herself is a financial contributor in support of The Odette Center and involved in charity work through her church. She gave me the phone number for Dr. Covens who is supposed to be one of the best Gynecological Oncologists, especially with Ovarian cancers. I immediately called Dr. Stein's office to have them request a consult with Dr. Covens. I was now in the works for 2 consultations, one at Sunnybrook and one at Princess Margaret. Now I had to wait to see who had the first opening. I would go to both to make sure I was armed with the best solutions.
Sandra was amazing with her "take charge of your own health journey" advice. She told me to get in contact with Dr. Stein and get a copy of my pathology report right away. She said she would also send my report to a group of Dr's close to her family in New York to see what they advised. The more you know the better. She told me to make a list of questions I needed answers to and to not stop until I got them! I have Sandra to thank for giving me the incentive during this scary, unknown stage, to take charge of my life and not to feel sorry for myself. I have always been the type of person wanting to know the answers to everything, researching until I considered myself an "expert" or at least as well informed as I possibly could be and it felt good to have another mission.
Hence began my "Google self diagnosing journey"! I felt the first step was to begin the healing process right away by filling my mind with answers to all of the fearful questions I had. I did use my office at Widdicombe (sorry Realstar) to "research" and print off information on Ovarian cancers, staging, reviews on Dr. covens, foods to eat...foods to avoid, survival rates, what happens with hysterectomies, and the list goes on. I started putting up a "protective shield of knowledge"...it went up pretty fast but here and there it would begin to crumble when I read the statistics on survival. Largely that survival was associatated with what stage and grade of cancer you have, especially with ovarian cancers where the abdominal cavity was such an open area for spreading and cancer growth. I started driving myself into moments of despair.
Once I received my pathology report from Dr. Stein I sat there reading it with a renewed sense of shock and horror as certain key words jumped out at me; "malignant tumor of ovary, high grade, epithelial /clear cell carcinoma". I read it over and over and knew I had to look up every word I didn't understand as it was written in the language that only pathologists and Dr's comprehend clearly.
I kept myself extremely busy at work. There were some major changes taking place with the retirement of one of our Senior Resident manager couples, who lived on site at Widdicombe Place, and the anticipated transfer of a new couple to take their place. The current couple were not working anymore and I, along with my 2 assistant resident manger couples were holding things together. I could not have managed without them but being insanely busy kept my mind off constantly focusing on the unknowns of the tragedy my life had become. I'm not sure the stress was good for me but I know for a fact that it helped with my mindset. I worked my ass off up until the day of my surgery. I even had an amazing "girls night". Rose, Isabelle myself and a few others went to The Old Mill for dinner and dancing. It was a blast. It felt amazing to get dressed up and feel like a woman, to go out and feel alive. A few cocktails made me emotional and I felt the conversation kept going back to my cancer but I could not help it. I was not going to hide and deny it was a part of my life but I did not want it controlling me. I ate, drank and was merry. Today was the day I officially quit smoking. I had quit the day I found out I had cancer but gave in a few times and had a drag or two. No more!
I finally received a call from Dr. Stein's office. I had an appointment with Dr. Covens at Sunnybrook!!! Wednesday, October 26th at 10:30am I would find out my fate! I felt some peace knowing things were progressing quickly towards having any remaining cancer removed. The following week I finally received a call for an appointment at Princess Margaret with Dr. La Framboise, she too was one of the top Dr's in her field. Now I would be able to choose what was best for me based on my research.
The days following my diagnosis were tortureous, having to wait and wait for an appointment! Didn't they know I had an aggressive form of cancer?? I wanted things done immediately. I now realize that I am one of millions going through the same thing every day! I am special....but then so is everyone on this planet. :)..........
No comments:
Post a Comment