John and I made our way to Sunnybrook's Odette Cancer Center on the 26th of October. We held each other's hands a little tighter than normal as we walked from the parking lot to the center. Upon entering we checked in at the main reception and were directed over to the area where Dr. Covens saw his patients. The entire main floor was quite large and made up of blood labs, dr's exam rooms, a pharmacy ,one of the chemotherapy wings and a symptom screening kiosk. Downstairs you could find more chemo sections, a theater, a wig center and a sandwich restaurant.
Together, we waited to be seen. Looking around it was amazing to see the hundreds of people coming and going. It really struck you just how encompassing this horrible disease was over the human race and just how many people were affected on any one day. I refused to let the tempting negativity take over me. John and I joked together, as we normally do....trying to find the humour wherever we could. I felt the eyes of others on us when we laughed together but I refused again to feel I had to be in this somber "cancer" state that life was over with no room for life, laughter and love.
Dr. Covens and his nursing team, Ingrid being his head nurse, were all very efficient and made me feel at ease considering they were delivering some life changing details of what lay ahead of me. Some of the questions I remembered to ask were answered and others flew out the window with the information being unloaded on me. Bottom line he told me that a full hysterectomy was advised along with removal anything closely connected as well as a large number of lymph nodes were to be removed. The purpose of the surgery would be to remove the area that had been affected by the original cyst and to help ensure that any cancer cells that might have spread were removed as much as possible. The exact surgery to take place was: "Laparoscopic hysterectomy + right salping oophorectomy, + pelvic and para aortic lymph node disection and omentectomy". I signed the consent form and surgery was booked for November 24th. I felt empowered and kind of excited that I was doing what was best to save my life.
I was scheduled for a CT scan for the 2nd of November and full blood work was to be taken.
The day following my consultation with Dr. Covens I got my period. I sat and cried many tears as this would be my last one EVER. Go figure! I never thought I would be so sad NOT to have my period. I know I will always be a woman but there is something about losing that part of you forever. The reality that I would never be able to get pregnant again and share having a child with John hit me hard. I loved John so much and my heart broke that if he loved me and spent the rest of his life with me he would never experience fatherhood. But then again who knows what the future holds and he may one day still get to have that joy....
On November 1st I went for my consultation with Dr. Laframboise at Princess Margaret Hospital. This world renowned hospital was a "cancer" center in it's entirety. My sister in law Laura Dias came with me to be my support....it was so wonderful to have her there by my side. Dr. Laframboise was very pleasant and being a woman made you feel slightly more connected to the experience than Dr. Covens but then again bed side manners during the surgery itself was a moot point. She basically confirmed what was planned by Dr. Covens and said he was more senior and experienced than she was and that I was in extremely good hands. She also said that she would not be able to organize a quicker operating time than what was being offered at Sunnybrook. I was not about to put this off any longer than necessary. She offered some useful information about the chemotherapy I would most likely have after the surgery. Carboplatin and Taxol would be the chemo cocktail to be received every 3 weeks for a total of 6 sessions and that I would lose my hair. (another google topic!) It was another sobering information day but I was feeling better knowing my surgery would be done by one of the best.
On November 4th I received a package in the mail. I opened it to discover a beautiful quilt. Laura had sent me one of Victoria's cancer Quilts with the scripture from Joshua 1:9 "Be strong and of good courage, do not be afraid, nor dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go". The quilt was blue and white with a few floral patterns in some of the blue sections. Once again I sat and cried at her loving thoughtfulness. It was such a wonderful feeling knowing I had such an amazing friend and sister on my "survival team".
The next few weeks leading up to my surgery were filled with being crazy busy at work,with eating more healthy than ever before and with undergoing a top to bottom cleaning and organzing of the house. God forbid something happened during surgery I wanted my house in order so no one else had to do it. It was a cleansing not just of personal belongings but of my heart and soul as well......
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